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BREAKING: MILLENNIUM PRIZE AWARDED FOR SUCCESSFUL PROOF OF THE RIEMANN HYPOTHESIS

by: bbill

Thu Jun 18, 2009 at 13:12:33 PM EDT

The Millennium Prize Problems, created by the Clay Mathematics Institute in 2000, are widely regarded as the most challenging problems in modern theoretical calculus. Whoever proves or disproves one of these instantly gains recognition as one of the top mathematical minds since the days of Newton. Only one of the seven conjectures has been solved heretofore.
However, a second winner will be announced in Cambridge this afternoon. The Riemann Hypothesis, which reads

The Riemann hypothesis is that all nontrivial zeros of the analytical continuation of the Riemann zeta function have a real part of 1/2. A proof or disproof of this would have far-reaching implications in number theory, especially for the distribution of prime numbers. This was Hilbert's eighth problem, and is still considered an important open problem a century later.

Yesterday evening, a new mathematical model was first announced in Albany that seems to prove the validity of this statement.

"What we're maintaining is that if there's 31 members present and ready to vote, those 31 members can ask for a tie-breaking vote to be cast."
"But if it's 31 to 0, there's no tie," Dicker replied, sensibly.
"That's your math. My math is that 31 present, 32 needed."

Mr. Pedro Espada Jr. of Mamaroneck, New York is expected to claim his $1,000,000 award this afternoon. When asked what he planned on doing with it, Mr. Esapada announced he planned on paying off nearly a tenth of the outstanding fines he owes the state Board of Elections. In addition, he announced the following achievements yesterday:

bbill :: BREAKING: MILLENNIUM PRIZE AWARDED FOR SUCCESSFUL PROOF OF THE RIEMANN HYPOTHESIS

Successfully completed cold water fusion experiment in the Capitol basement, restoring electricity, lights and cameras to Senate Chamber.

Will perform Chastity Bono's reassignment surgery.

Will turn the water into wine and then walk across the Empire State Plaza reflecting pool.

Climbed all 46 Adirondack Peaks last weekend.

Today, through use of mirrors, will single handedly create Senate quorum, gavel in, debate both sides of bill vote to final passage, break a tie, and explain his vote 63 times. Will hold a group news conference on his own at 12 noon.

Will crush coal into diamonds to be sold to cover $2 million in member items for Soundview Healthcare.

Revive ABC prime time Nielsen ratings by hosting a live variety show.

Shuttle between "Get Me Out of Here, I'm a Celebrity" and "Dancing with the Stars."

Present a paper at Princton's Institute for Advanced Study, "Harmonizing the Dual Residency/Dual Voting Paradox: A Quantum Physics Analysis and Proof," which demonstrates how he can cast two simultaneous votes for Senate quorum and live in Westchester and Bronx simultaneously.

Despite his newly found superhuman powers, Espada has been unable to reattach Hiram Monserrate to his hip.